Do you mind covering up? Your face is making me uncomfortable...

Tis' the season for unsolicited commentation from the peanut gallery.  I typically don't go shopping all that often, other than to the grocery store and kids consignments.  Now that the holidays are here, I've been visiting the local retail stores with my little one bundled in her sling along for the ride.  I'm the type of mom that really doesn't care if it makes the general public "uncomfortable" if I were to nurse my daughter.  So why would shopping be any different?  As I walk through Wal-mart, my daughter is becoming antsy and getting tired.  I "whip" out a breast, latch her, and go about my shopping.  I have a nursing top on, but showing no more than I would in a low cut shirt.  Hardly anyone notices, until I get to the check out lane.  This wonderful Irish woman giggles and turns to her bo and said "That's amazing.  She's breastfeeding, shopping and checkin' out all at once!"  It was really sweet - a welcomed comment!  As I'm walking out to my car, this ignorant woman yells, rather loudly at that, "OH MY GOD ONLY AT WAL-MART!"  Like she just saw the trashiest thing ever, given that is what wal-mart is labeled as attracting to begin with.  I was appalled and completely taken aback.  Not only did this woman wake my gently sleeping daughter, but attract attention to me from the other people in the parking lot.  She proceeds to look back and snicker to her bo and I couldn't help it.  I lost my class and stooped to her level and shot some nasty words to her.  I thought that I was tough as nails when it came to NIP, but this event definately showed that I had a soft spot, and that woman poked her little finger right through it. 
Why do people, especially other women, feel they can say whatever comes to their mind?  It seems like moms/grandmoms/nannys/etc tend to offer their advice, especially on things they have little to no knowledge on.  Like breastfeeding.  My mother and grandmother didn't have great luck in that department.  So when I tell me grandmother that were coming by plane for Thanksgiving, she reminds me to take a pacifier.  "Grandma, we don't use pacifiers"  "Well, what are you going to do for take off and landing?"  "I'm going to nurse her."  "OH Missy NO! That's disgusting! No one wants to see that!  That's an intimate thing to be done privately!"  Seriously, Grandma?  Everytime a rude, ignorant comment gets thrown at someone that's doing the best they can for their kids, it's like a slap in the face.  It's not like I go around saying "Hey, isn't your kid too old to be using a pacifier?  I mean, they're potty trained for heaven's sake!" or "Umm... do you mind covering up your bottle?  That's making me uncomfortable."  There are some people that are so nasty in themselves that I would love to say, "Hey, do you mind taking yourself to the bathroom to breathe?"  That's harsh, I know, but I don't say these things because it's not my place and who the hell cares!  They aren't physically harming me and get this, if I don't want to see them, I can simply turn my head in the other direction! Check that out! 
Recently a mom was harrassed by Target associates for nursing in the store.  They then proceeded to gawk and make her feel terrible.  A nurse-in is now being developed.  It shouldn't have to come to this.  Only in America do we perceive natural ways to be disgusting, inappropriate, dangerous, uneducated (wtf ever), and outdated.  It's a shame.  Thanks to these modern ways of thinking, we are harming the futures of our children by taking away their birth rights to a normal, natural birth, remaining intact, and nursing freely for as long as they desire and anywhere they wish to nurse. 
Now, not all people make rude comments.  It's nice to get the supportive comments and typically through conversation you find that these people either nursed, their wives/sisters/mothers nursed or they are just genuinely kind and know that this is a tough feat and offer supportive words to try and offset they crappy ones.  All in all, keep on nursing in public ladies.  Ignore the comments and know that you may also be inspiring another mama to gather the courage to do it as well!  Show our younger generations that this is NORMAL!  If more people nursed in public, maybe less people would feel the need to make a mockery of themselves from talking out of their asses :)

To be or not to be... a SAHM.

The idea of being a stay at home mom has always appealed to me.  Before I ever even got pregnant, being a full-time mommy was my biggest desire in life.  I believe the overpowering need to be a SAHM steams from my mother never being home due to her FT job, and then home even less when she made the decision to go back to school.  I commend my mother for doing better for herself and her family, but the lack of her presence really put a strain on her relationship with her children.  This is currently one of my biggest fears.
I recently went back to work after having 11 amazing weeks at home with my daughter.  During this time, we developed an intense bond, established a healthy and strong breastfeeding relationship and simply got to know one another.  I figured out her general routine, her likes and dislikes, how to make her naps longer, and how to manage her and the house as well as attend local morning mommy groups.  Just when I was really getting into the swing of things, oh look it's time to go back to work!  I was not excited, however I was very greatful that my husband and I made it basically 3 months on very little income, although we payed the price once I returned to work.  To ease my transition, I worked 4 days a week, averaging right around 32 hours, for the entire month of October.  I took Mondays off, which was great because I was able to take Grace to Storytime at a local library.  I absolutely adore taking her to this! Her face just lights up when we start singing and dancing the "Baby a Go-Go" song.  November marks the begining of my 5 day work schedule and though I managed to swing my Monday's to come in late to take her 3 times a month, but that means I work later to make up for it.  I get to take her to storytime, but I miss putting her to bed.  It's a no win in my eyes; I still miss out on something.
I feel as though when I'm at work I miss out on so much with her.  My husband takes awesome care of her during the day and works double shifts on the weekends, and when I see her do something new (to me), he says casually "Oh, yea she's being doing that for awhile now."  Oh, thanks for telling me!  Of course I wouldn't see her do it right away because she's half asleep when I leave in the morning and ready for bed by the time I get home.  During the week, the time I spend with her is nursing her in the am and as soon as I get home, she is up for about an hour and then she wants to be nursed to sleep.  I should be able to nurse my baby throughout the day and night, not develop a relationship with my pump 2 times a day; and that's even if I get the chance to pump twice!  My husband makes comments all the time about how he feels it's so unnatural for him to have to get a bottle and warm the milk, etc.  He made a comment the other day that really got me thinking.  He told me that ever since I went back to work, I have been snippy with him and we've been fighting more overall.  He puts it to the fact that I was in my "element" when I was home with our daughter, and he knows the toll it takes on me to be away.  It's not how it should be.
Don't be mistaken, though, I really love my job.  This is also a major factor in the choice to continue working or being a SAHM.  However, I'm riddled with guilt and I agonize over making this choice constantly.  My main dilema concerns the same thought everyone else has - Can we survive on just one income?  The answer is no.  Then I think about getting a different job, maybe with a different shift time though I know it's a rarity that I'd find a job making even somewhat close to what I make now.  So is it worth it if you aren't happy with the job specifications? 
There are so many different reasons to stay home and so many to continue to work.  The goals I set for myself and my family seem to be reachable only through me not being home but laboring away at a demanding job that may not only affect the bond I have with my daughter, but also my milk supply.  My boss once told me that a woman she admired told her to experience each chapter in your life and not to rush through these moments of your life because they only last a short time.  I completely agree with this.  My daughter will not be young forever; hell she's already growing like a weed!  Soon, she'll be graduating from high school and moving out.  Do I really want to look back and say to myself how I wish I would have spent more time with her in her younger years? 
I'm not saying that I wouldn't find means to keep us above water.  My fear is jumping ship with a good job to take the chance to be a SAHM.  It's a risk I'm scared to take, but I know in my heart that it's a risk worth taking.

They said what?!

It's amazing how the information that's available differs so drastically, depending on who you talk to.  Nursing in public tends to bring up conversation freely and lately, I've spoken with some moms and moms-to-be about breastfeeding. I am absolutely floored about the things that they have heard from others, read about and even what their pediatrian or OB has told them.  Now I do not claim to know all about bf by any means, but I do research using breastfeeding friendly sites (not endorsed by formula companies), La Leche League recommended books, attend support groups and educational classes, etc. I recently met a mother that is currently pregnant again. She is still nursing her 1 yr old and wants to continue throughout her pregnancy, but her doctor said because she's pregnant she should wean her nursling due to the dangers it posseses to her unborn baby.  Wow.  She was obviously upset by this and I suggested that she attend a local La Leche League Support Group and gave her the info for the one I attend.  I mentioned that tandem nursing is very normal and told her to check out kellymom.com and to get a different opinion.  I do not know this moms history, but if she has a healthy pregnancy, she shouldn't have to stop nursing.  It baffles me the things that OB's tell their clients.  When a gorilla or chimp gets pregnant and they have a nursling, do they tell their nursling "oh, no honey.  No more milk for you," before they are ready? No.  Those babies typically nurse to five - seven years of age!  The contractions that a pregnant woman in a healthy pregnancy may experience while nursing are the SAME contractions that she would experience as she would during sex. Unless there's is no bleeding, weightloss or signs of preterm labor, nurse on!
Another mom made mention that her OB told her that her milk wasn't enough and she needed to supplement with formula.  Now, I'm not against formula supplementing if their are true issues, like glandular or you had your breasts removed, severe difficulties with low supply, etc.  However, these are rare cases and not the norm.  The norm is that a bf mom can nurse her baby just fine without any additional assistance.  But it seems that its the other way around, and that's a problem.  Too many moms are not being supported by their pediatricians to continue to bf but offer alternatives, i.e formula, instead.  They give their reason and then offer a sample can of formula!  This doctor is clearly not breastfeeding friendly - run quickly.  I don't understand the mindset other than they receive perks, just as some doctors do for prescribing certain medications.  If a mom does formula, it's almost a gaurentee that she isn't told that if she mixes formula with her breastmilk in the same bottle, she is essentially killing her breastmilk and it was basically pointless.  The proper way to supplement is to give the breastmilk in either nursing session or in it's own bottle THEN give the formula.  Why?  Breastmilk is alive and formula isn't.  Simple as that. The problem of forced supplementing can start as early as your baby's birth during your hospital stay.  A mom told me that she had her heart on exclusively bfing, but the nurses forced her to give formula because the baby was "hungry".  I'm sorry. This nurse needs to have her license revoked or moved out of the nursery.  Is she aware that aa mothers milk doesn't come in for three to seven days and that the baby during this time needs only the colostrum that mom provides being that his stomach is around the size of a quarter? Best for Babes Foundation calls these situations "Booby Traps" that stand in the way of moms everywhere to have a successful breastfeeding experience.  We need to give moms the knowledge and power to stand up against these traps and to know that they are doing what's best for their babies.  If formula supplementing is what's best, that's fine, too.  But if a mom knows that she is capable of having an enjoyable bf relationship that helps her baby to thrive and creates a beautiful bond, show her support to make that happen.  It's more than a desire for most moms, it's a need.  It breaks my heart everytime I hear a mom say "I wanted to breastfeed longer, but we just couldn't." with their reasons ranging from low supply, being too painful, but the biggest one was they didn't have support from their loved ones or physicians.  Attend support groups, find other moms who have been successful, and educate yourself.

Birth Beliefs

My husband and I are very passionate about how we were going to have our daughter and what kind of birth experience we wanted.  Before I talk about my experience, I want to give you some insight to my beliefs on birth. I believe that to give birth is one of the most beautiful and natural experiences that women are blessed to be able to go through.   I believe that a woman's body has the power and strength to go through natural childbirth and that we should listen and trust our bodies to do so.  I believe that when a baby is naturally born, meaning without any drugs and vaginally, that the baby receives what's called a "love cocktail" that assists in mom and baby to fall in love.  Being born vaginally, regardless of drugs also exposes the baby to neccessary bacteria that aids in the building of their immune system.  I believe that postponing cutting of the cord until it stops pulsating allows for important nutrients, including iron, to get to the baby.  I believe that the first hour after the baby is born is the most crucial time for a mother and baby to begin there bond which is why it is important that hospitals delay in weighing the baby and taking for observation and making the baby scream to make sure the lungs are clear (which I deem unneccesary in a healthy baby and making them cry only strains the heart and puts stress on the baby).  I believe a baby should be put skin to skin with their mother and that they have the time to get to know one another, as we are still considered animals and that is, for the most part, instinctual.  Now I begin each statement with "I believe" for the simple fact that there is so much "research" out there that does not support and so much research that does.  This is what I chose to believe because I believe in natural childbirth.  The research that typically goes against this is usually supported by hospitals, OB's, Surgeons and even some midwifes.  To each his own, however when a persons beliefs become ignored because the OB feels that there may be complications, that's a problem.  This is why I do not believe in hospitals or OB's for a healthy pregnancy and birth.  Hospitals are for sick people, not healthy babies.  Many doctors feel the need to find something wrong and create pathology where there is none.  This can lead to unneccessary intervention which more  than likely, especially these days, will lead to an emergency c-section.  Then they claim, "Oh we saved you and your baby!" No, you created a situation in which it became needed for you to do this when I wouldn't have needed you to start with! The proof is in the numbers, and boy are the numbers high.  It irritates me when people opt for a scheduled c-section becuase they don't want to deal with labor and they don't want their vagina to get all out of whack.  I have to say that I consider these woman to be uneducated in the realm of birth.  Never in my life would I think that a major surgery is a "preferable" way to give birth.  It robs both you and your baby of so much.  Now, this does not mean that women that it is truly medically neccessary for it is not a benefial thing to save lives.  The problem is that it's being used almost as a recreational tool and offered so casually that it's disturbing.  If you couldn't already tell, I have a bit of disdain for the medical field, especially when it comes to the birth process.  If you are interested in learning more about the benefits of a natural birth and what interventions can cause, the Ricki Lake documentary The Business of Being Born is a great place to start.  More of a reader? Some great books are Henci Goer's The Thinkig Woman's Guide to a Better Birth and Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.  I can only end with the thought to educate yourself, I'll save my experience for another day.

Why Blog?

I've never been one to put my thoughts out there in such a public manner. Well, I guess that's a lie since I used Xanga, Myspace and Facebook! Although, status updates are much different from a persons "diary" entry.  Over the last few months, I've found myself having much to say, as well as ways to cope with recent traumatic events of my daughters entrance into this world.  I've found that by reading others blogs, especially those related to births and breastfeeding, have helped me overcome ppd and to find confidence in myself again.  Not only do I think this may be very theraputic, but maybe some of what I may have to say may help another get through one of life's hurdles. I'm not saying every entry is going to be this long, life changing story; but who knows what this could turn into.  I think I may encourage my husband to even start one. :)