Mommyhood 101

Since I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom.  Well, once I got past the fear of birth and thinking I was just going to adopt all my kids because I didn't want blood drawn!!  I wanted to raise a family and do special things with my children like ride bikes, go to the park, watch them perfom on stage or in sports.  I wanted to be there for them no matter what.  This is what I thought being a mom was all about. When I got pregnant, I thought that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me.  I began to do the research on the best practices, breastfeeding and formula, natural birthing, best crib, etc.  I wasn't unprepared, but there were certainly things that I never really thought twice about until now.

There is so much more to mommyhood than simply being with your children.  I've learned that being fully present isn't as always easily done.  It's one thing to be in the same room, but to find the ability to still give your child your full attention after working away from home all day, that can be tough at times.  Or to get off the phone (so guilty of this), computer or peel your eyes away from the T.V. to witness your child simply playing in the corner can be challenging because that article is just too good to stop reading!  Being a mom means that you will never be on time again, anywhere, whether they go with you or not!  It means that my house is always a disaster because I choose playtime and naps with my daughter over picking up the toys that will be taken out in another 30 minutes anyways or simply rinsing the dishes is a 3 hour job.  It means that when you think they are finally down for a nap and you and your partner want to have some alone time, your children will wake up at the worst oportune moment and need you, even if your partner needs you, too. 

Mommyhood brings dirty diapers, snot noses, confliction in the best ways to raise them, self ridicule, ridicule from others, unsolicited advice, unkempt homes, tears, sweat, energy (and lack of), financial worries and Negativity.  We have grown in a society that focuses on all the bad things of being a parent or how to parent, and too busy saying "No!", that we forget that these little bodies and minds will one day use what's been taught to them in their life.  Do we want our children to grow up in a negative world? So as a mom, I'm learning that even though there are tough sides to being a parent, I will remain positive and as optimistic as possible.  My hubs sometimes tells me that I don't see logic and reality.  I do.  But don't we want our children to believe that good things happen, too?  And not everything in life is "no".  Right now there's this huge "Mommy Wars" happening and instead of supporting mommyhood as a whole, we bring other's and their parenting choices down in discouraging light or take responsibility for our own choices instead of knocking someone else because they did something you either don't agree with or wasn't able to do.  I don't want my children to grow up like this.  While I want them to know that negative light exists, mommyhood has taught me to stay focused on the positive.

The greatest joys I've found in my journey through mommyhood has been my daughter's first smile, coo, babble.  I still get excited when we've gone stretches without a poopy or pee filled diaper!  The first time she started to play with her toys, sit up on her own, or laugh that sweet, full-of-life laugh.  The way she explores her world and wants so desperately to share it with us! The first time she looked straight at me and said "mama".  When she gets so excited and jumps her little booty up and down when I walk in the door from work.  They way she crawls to me and into my arms to have hugs and milkies.  The fact that she is now learning to sign and can tell me she wants milk.  How my breast is the one place that comforts her most and makes her world seem okay for the moment.  The fact that I have never told her "No" to comfort nursing in public but the times I have told her "No" have been to protect her and explaining why.  I've learned that we must respect our children, as they are no less equal than us and have rights and feelings, too.  I've learned what unconditional love truly means and how I want to protect this life in any way, but I also don't want to smother to the point that she doesn't have any bumps and bruises at all.  I wasn't prepared for this kind of love, but I'm sure as hell embracing it. 

So while I thought being a mom was an awesome gig, I had no clue as to how truly an amazing gift it really is.  My daughter is only 10 months old, and I still have LOTS more to learn, but we will go along, teaching one another through the good, the bad and the beautiful moments of life.

Time's a Tickin'

It's truly amazing how fast time flies.  I created this blog with the intent to blog on a somewhat concise basis... it has been months.  I wake up or go to sleep with things I want to write about and think I'll remember this and blog tomorrow.  It never happens.  I'm partly ok with that.  The thing that usually takes up my time is my daughter.  She requires the attention most days or nights that may otherwise be directed to this.  And the times when she's sleeping, I tend to do the same!  Lately, besides working and sustaining my daughter's life (as I feel that's all I do these days!) we've been on the hunt to purchase the right home for our family.  It's been a long road, since before my daughter was born last July, we've been searching for homes to rent.  This past January we made the decision to see if we would even have the opportunity and credit line to be considered for a home loan.  Low and behold, the gods were good to us!  We have finally found a home that is perfect for us and now the wait to close begins!  We are extremely excited.  But for now, I'm enjoying not filling my time with realtor searches and drive bys through neighborhoods and enjoying my daughter once again.  I already feel like I miss so much with being away from work, having had spend hours a week on the house hunting felt like it was another burden to her and I. 

I cannot believe that she'll be nine months on Friday.  It blows my mind, but how can it not go by so quick.  Ya know, with all the milestones speeding through! She's been pulling to stand for a few months now and cruising along the couch and from toy to toy.  She's let go to stand alone a few times, and part of me just wishes she'd continue to hold on a little longer.  It's just going by so fast.  We take tens of hundreds of pictures and videos, and still I feel it's not enough to remember these days.  One thing that I'm proud of and happy about, our nursing relationship is still going super strong, and no end in the near future.  This warms my heart.  She has very little interest in food, but she's no skinny minnie! Breastmilk has sure shown it's true colors with this tall, chunky, smart monster of mine!

Nursing has now been officially upgraded to Gym-nurstics status and I crack up at the things she does! Laying across, butt up in the air, on top, around the side - it's quite a sight!  With everything moving so fast, the one thing that always makes me and my daughter slow down is when she nurses.  It gives me the time to pawn over her with pure adoration, while she lay still for that brief moment, or perhaps even drift to off la-la-land.  She is my rose, and I love to stop and smell her. 

From One Day to the Next

It's been a wonderment of beginings for my little girl.  On Christmas day, she tried her first banana.  Grace basically sucked on it and then spit it out!  On New Years day, she not only got her first tooth, but was starting to lift her tummy off the ground and get on all fours.  Her inspiration?  Our kitty  Go figure, 13 days later she would decide to take her first coordinated crawling exploration!  Now, she's just learning to pivot all around and once she finds our cat, it's game over.  She's on a straight path to her, and boy is she getting some momentum in her speed!  Grace has also given me the pleasure of a melting heart.  Her newest thing is to say "Mam-mam" when she has a need to be met.  It's purely the sweetest thing.  I never thought that a sound as simple as "mam-mam" could have such an effect on a person.  She's only six months (1/20/12) but I can't ever see how I lived without her.  Truly, the answer is that I didn't.  When I was talking with a resident that I work with, they always ask how my daughter is, what's she doing these days, etc.  The resident then made the statement that I just beam every time she asks me about Grace and that I truly look like a happy mommy.  She proceeded to tell me that she feels the best part of her life was raising her children and that she felt that she didn't really begin to live until they were born.  At that moment, it clicked and I knew exactly the feeling she was talking about.  It amazes me how one little collection of cells can grow inside you to a beautiful, warm, cuddly baby that you love more than life itself.  Better than any baby doll you ever had growing up! 

With a child, you don't know what's going to happen from one day to the next.  Every morning when you both wake up, you may think you know what's in store for the day when in actuality, you have no idea!  Just as I didn't know when I peed on that little stick, it was going to come back saying "Pregnant".  I didn't know that I was going to be the happiest pregnant woman around and absolutely adore pregnancy.  I didn't know that my world would come crashing down after being transfered out of my birth center and resulting in bringing my daughter into this world via ceserean.  Or that because of that, I would feel a disconnect from her that we would have to work hard on making that bond and deal with our issues breastfeeding.  So many unknowns just in those first months!  And now, we are as connected as magnets - it's hard to pull us apart even when we are!  She's still breastfeeding, crawling, babbling and saying "mam-mam", sitting up, rolling all around like it's going out of style, reaching for everything in sight, laughing hysterically and brightening our day with the simplest smile.  All these milestones and it feels like she was just born the other day.  It's shocking how fast time flies by you when you have something to look forward to each day.  I hate leaving her in the morning to go to work, but I anxiously await my return home and now, I'm greeted with a huge smile and today, she crawled after me when I went to change my clothes!  She's growing up so quickly!  I wonder what new adventure in parenting tomorrow may bring?